Who am I?

I am a walking contradiction, full of the most wonderful love, and the blackest hate. I am capable of great things, things that will change the world, but also capable of destroying it. I fail often, and rarely succeed. I've seen beauty at its finest, and evil in its prime... The scary things is, they don't look that different. I've helped many people, and been savior to some, but I've also hurt many others, and become their greatest nightmare... I have a heart full of love, but also full of hate. I am bitter, angry, hurt, and spiteful, but I'm also loving... I can be rational at times, irrational at others... I see everything, but comprehend little. I'm brilliant, but in many ways stupid. I live 2 lives, and you'll never see both, I am genuine, but also fake.

I am human 

What Does It Mean To Hold A Heart in Your Hands

What does it mean to hold a heart in your hands??  The greatest honor, nay the highest, most powerful kind of respect you can show someone is too trust them with the most vulnerable part of your being.... Your heart (the essence of your being, the moral fiber that keeps you intact)  You can take somebody's body by force but the heart must be and Can only be freely as a gift, a kind of “love offering” to whoever or whatever you cherish....For the purpose of this discussion, I will be talking about what happens when a person, not a thing holds your heart. Whomever has your heart can do whatever the hell they want with it, which is why such a practice is so daring and even dangerous.... The holder of your heart can cherish and hold it for the immeasurable treasure it is, or they can play and toy with it like a cheap dollar store toy, using it to accomplish their own shallow, selfish goals at your expense, discarding it (and you) when it is broken, or when they no longer have a use for it/ want it..... So why do we as humans as a whole want so bad to have someone hold our hearts, and to hold someone else's in return?? Why are we so stupid as to take part in a practice that we know has a good chance of leading us to heartbreak, to the greatest mental pain and anguish that we can experience on this side of the earth? Why do we trust someone we know will most likely hurt us? The reason for this seemingly stupid, grossly impulsive decision is that we as a human species are risk takers, we will risk it all for the great reward, forsaking the treasures we already have.... When it comes to relationships, trusting a person with your heart has great risks, but can have even greater rewards.....  You see, a loving, committed relationship between 2 people brings the most immense pleasure ever experienced... It is hard work yes, but the feeling of having someone who knows you, your flaws, your past, the side of you that you hide, and does not love you in spite of your flaws, but because of them..... The feeling of having someone you don't have to lie to, that you can love unashamedly.... Someone you can trust, love and ultimately be open with. To trust is to love, and to love is to live….  Love is beautiful, love is trustworthy, and love is divine. I want to end this brief diatribe, with 2 quotes: One from the Bible, and another from a Russian composer named Igor Stravinsky:   If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.  Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13: 1-8     Is it not by love alone that we succeed in penetrating to the very essence of being? –Igor Stravinsky

2013 Adam Y. Edwards ©

 

Pain And Pleasure

  In my opinion, our entire lives revolve around the pursuit of two things; the pursuit of pleasure, and fleeing from pain. Almost from the time we leave the womb, we discover what brings pleasure (things like being held, or eating), and what brings pain (being ignored or getting hit). As we grow older, everything we do begins to revolve around these 2 feelings. It is our human nature to avoid anything that brings us pain, and pursue anything or anyone that brings us pleasure. Here are some examples:

1.   We eat to avoid the pain in our stomachs that come from not eating. Eating anything is not good enough however, in today’s society we will go out of our way to find and eat something that tastes good. We stand in line for ridiculously long amounts of time then pay exorbitant prices, just to eat something that tastes good (Georgetown Cupcakes, Rita’s Italian-Ice, Cold stone Creamery, etc)
2.   We enter into dating relationships to avoid the pain of being alone, and to have someone to share pleasure with (Doing something with someone you love is automatically better than doing it alone, no matter what it is!).
3.   We avoid exercise because to us, the pleasure of looking good, and being fit and trim is not worth the pain, and sweat that it will take to achieve that goal. 

Unfortunately, in my opinion, we as a society have become masters of this endless game of pursue and flee. WE need to do things because they bring glory to God, not because we enjoy them. Not all good things are pleasurable, and not all pleasurable things are good.

2012 Adam Y Edwards ©

The Devil

Hey guys!!! Today, I have a poem for you guys!!, I wrote it like awhile ago, and just found it... Anyway I thought it was good, so I typed it up for you all..... Here you go::

The Devil:

The devil is an inherently evil creature,

He is out to destroy Christians and deface God’s Scripture

He has been on earth since before humans,

He will not stop until humanity is in ruin,

His goal is to drag all men with him into hell,

So he can feast on our souls while we rot in a cell,

He always craving, always hungry,

He will stop at nothing to have us,

And still he will be hungry,

He is always planning, always scheming,

To cause us pain, he likes our screaming,

He has been behind every war, battle, fight, and skirmish,

It pleasures him to watch the carnage,

He loves to watch lying, lusting and everything else that Christ finds spiritually disgusting,

He is a master at deception,

 Us naïve humans, we are far too trusting,

We “follow our heart”, and “do what feels right”,

Never knowing that our heart is evil, and our feelings corrupted,

For our bodies are weak, easily controlled,

But in our spirits lie powerful, strongholds,

The devil knows this, so what does he do?,

He uses our body to attack our spirit,

O he is so clever, that spineless worm,

He attacks us at every turn,

He tempts our weak body to do sinful things,

Then has us hating ourselves for doing the sinful deed,

He warps our thinking, slowly destroys our ability to judge wrong from right,

Makes us hate good and love evil, so wrong feels right,

It is easy for him, though we fight with all our might,

We are born into a struggle, wrong or right,

Our Spirit is good, it wants to do right

But our bodies have an inherent love for evil,

We are a confused people,

We have been ever since Adam took that fatal bite,

Our body is our fatal weakness, our Achilles heel,

With it the devil makes us suffer, he makes us kneel,

But let me tell you he has a weakness, a fatal flaw

So let me tell you them, to aid you, so you do not fall,

He hates scripture with all his might,

It is his poison, his kryptonite,

Just hearing it mentioned makes his head feel light,

Hearing it spoken puts him to flight,

So when you’re being attacked, and you need a hand, just say a verse,

One related to the struggle at hand,

If you do I guarantee, he will flee,

So next time you’re in a tiff,

 just say a verse and he will be gone in a jiff,

Hate

Hate

Hate is a powerful thing. Hate degrades and corrupts.

Ultimately if hate is not diffused it will explode like a bomb, destroying the hater and injuring everyone around him.

Hate typically hurts the person who is hating and those who love him far more than it hurts the person who is being hated upon.

 Hate can drive you to do things that you would never imagine, it can and will turn you into a monster, devoid of all reason.

Hate, however can be controlled with much effort. It can be used as the fuel for many great things. It can help you accomplish your goals.

I view hate as a large vicious animal, if it is tamed and trained, it can be your best friend; it can protect you, it can even be trained to do helpful things for you.

 However it is still a wild animal at heart, and can attack you at the slightest provocation, or even unprovoked at any time.

If you don’t control your hate, it will control you.

2012 Adam Edwards ©

Lies

Lies,life is built around them,the world revolves around them. They are the foundation for which many relationships are based, chances are in fact that someone is lying to you right now. Lies corrode trust, and without trust, there is no relationship. Since everybody lies why should you trust? since you have lied, Why should you trust yourself?
2012 Adam Edwards ©

Best Day In A While!!

 So yesterday over Skype I finally told the girl that I have liked for the past 7 months how I felt about her. It was super awkward, and for the first time in like forever I didn’t know what to say. It was weird because I typically always know exactly what to say around girls, but with this particular one I am normally really like awkward. When I am around her my words always come out really jumbled and stuff.  She is really awesome: like she is beautiful. She is 5’9 with beautiful fair skin, she has long brown hair with, golden blonde highlights. She is super friendly and has the cutest laugh. She is really mature, and a super strong Christian. We have been really best friends for a while, and have gotten like super close in the last month…  I have been super scared to tell her how I feel because I really valued our friendship and didn’t want to mess it up or hinder it if she didn’t feel the same way… I tried to suppress them for the sake of our friendship, but they wouldn’t go away, instead they just grew and got more powerful each time I saw her… Yesterday I just couldn’t hold them in anymore and finally told her. Any way so our convo went something like this:

Me: Yea hey ____ can I be real with you for a minute

The Girl: Sure, what’s up

Awkward Silence

Me: Umm, never mind, I will just talk to you about it later…

The Girl: You sure

Me: Yea

Change of Subject, we come back to this about 10 min later

Me: You know what, _____ I have wanted to say this to you since I first met you in September, You’re beautiful, like you’re stunning. But like I’m not just talking about your looks, like your beautiful on the inside and out. Like I’m sure you hear this all the time, but I just wanted to let you know that’s how I feel about you. Like, on the real I have like you since the minute I met you at that picnic in September, I just have been to scared of rejection to tell you how I feel. 

The Girl: Yea, um…. That’s lame!!

Me: umm uhh sorry, darn curse my awkwardness!!!

The Girl: No, no, no !!! Not you, what you said was sweet, I was talking about what I what I was about to say…. I was thinking out loud!!! Like I’m super nervous right now…like I’m shaking, and my heart is racing… I feel the same way… Like your awesome, and every time I see you, you surprise me with something new about you… Like we have a lot in common, and that we are on the same page spiritually in a lot of ways….

Me: Umm could you hold on for a second, I have to go get something…

I mute the mike and turn off the cam and just spend like 30 seconds screaming and shouting and dancing with joy!!.

Me: I’m back, sorry, any way what were you saying….

The call drops out, I call her back

Me: Ugh stupid skype….

The Girl : I know right!!

At this point my little sister kinda ruins it all by coming downstairs and messing with me on cam, but it made the girl laugh so it was ok. My sister says my mom wants me and goes back upstairs

Me: So yea, I gotta go, sorry…. I am glad we feel the same way about each other… I guess we will have to continue this conversation tomorrow when we see each other…

The Girl: Yea, we will, because there is a lot of stuff that I have to talk to you about!!

Me: Yea, me too. Before I go though, I have one major question…. What do your parents feel about dating??

The Girl: I really don’t know, when I was dating James, they kinda got used to it, but I never actually met him, so yea that was kinda different than me and you…. Since you’re like my best friend and all… I will have to ask them.. What about your parents?

Me:  Well I really don’t know, like they were against me dating Mariah, but I did it anyway…. This time though I am going to have to spend a lot of time praying and stuff, because I don’t want our relationship to be like my last one. Without my parents blessing things didn’t go so well…. Plus I wanna honor my parents and all, so yea I really hope they are ok with it…. I am gonna have to figure out how to ask them, and hopefully I will ask them at the right time…. So yea I really have to go

The Girl: Ok, well we both definitely have a lot to think about

Me: Yea, well see you tomorrow

The Girl: Yea, bye

Me: bye

The Girl: See you tomorrow

Me: See you tomorrow
2012 Adam Edwards ©